POWER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WELL
I
What do the following people have in common: Leo Tolstoy, Tchaikovsky,
Chopin, John Wesley, Abraham Lincoln, C.S. Lewis, Harry Emerson Fosdick,
Catherine Marshall, and the biblical characters Job, Elijah, and perhaps the
Apostle Paul? Famous historical figures, yes, but they battled despair,
even depres-sion. Each year as many as 25 million Americans suffer this
dark, painful place at the bottom of the well.
There are many contributing causes of depression. A common cause is
a deep personal loss due to a death, divorce, a close friend moving a great
distance away, marital or family problems, loss of a job, chronic physical
or mental pain, the surgical removal of a body part, side-effect of drug
usage, and for some, retirement. These experiences affect one’s self-image
and purpose for living. For elder adults, it is the awareness of vanished
youthfulness and the growing annoyances that accompany aging. Suppressed
anger or rage turned in on oneself causes depression. Bleak winter months
and obsessing over world disasters can do it. There can be a physiological
cause, such as a hypothyroid condition or a lack of sufficient vitamin B
complex (especially B12) in one’s
diet. When somebody talks with me about their depression or anything like
it, I ask them to get a complete physical exam with blood work in order to
determine if there is an organic cause before proceeding with counseling.
Depression may also be genetically predisposed. Janice and I have friends,
whose three successive generations in their family have been diagnosed with
persistent/clinical depression, and the condition runs among the siblings in
each of the three generations! They, along with other similarly identified
families, have been a part of a national study for many years.
Typical signs of depression include a sudden and extended change in
sleeping patterns - either much less or much more; a sudden and extended
change in appetite - either excessive or reduced; a lack of energy that
results in a marked decrease in general physical activity and thought
process; difficulty in con-centrating and making decisions; withdrawal,
isolating oneself from people; more irritable than usual; an absence of joy
in living; a dark mood and painful emptiness sometimes accompanied by
suicidal thoughts.
When the pain is greater than the available resources to manage the pain,
suicide may become the release.
I’m concerned that Nevada has the highest suicide rate in the nation. It is
the second leading cause of death among teenagers, whose distress is
sometimes misdiagnosed as typical adolescent anger or sullen behavior.
This ought to be a great concern for the church community that embraces a
God who yearns for our well-being. For more information you may visit the
websites of the National Institute of Mental Health and Focus Adolescent
Services.
Persons may develop elevated anxiety due to these signs of depression
(though a person may not exhibit all of these signs), and fear that
others will judge them as weak. Stress is added when well-meaning but
ill-advised people tell them to “snap out of it” or give a pep talk
or give fix-it advice: “why don’t you just take a vacation?!” Others
may make light of the person’s situation with a joke.
II
As a child, living in a chaotic home with eruptions of physical and
verbal violence, I was often cast in a melancholy mood. Before I was six
years old, I experienced two traumatic events that left physical and
emotional scars. From that time on until I left home to go to college, I
was a survivor of my childhood and adolescence. My music captured the
melancholy of those early years. I began composing music at age 12, and
nearly all of my compositions at the time were set in a minor key. But
my music was a gift! It was my safe haven. It was a therapeutic way for
a small boy and developing teenager to work through the shadows that
lurked within and around me.
Then, again, 30 years ago I went through the dark night of the soul that
lasted several months. Any one of three events that happened
simultaneously would have been enough to cause depression. I got
through that ordeal with some counseling (I practiced what I preach),
Janice’s support and extraordinary patience, and the caring of dear
Christian friends in the church I was serving at the time.
There was a positive side to those experiences. They prepared me
to be a sensitive pastoral coun-selor for persons going through the dark
night of the soul. I know what it feels like. I know what works and what
doesn’t work. I know what it means to take refuge in the shadow of God’s
wings until the storm passes (Ps. 57). I know the power of Christians
practicing the fruit of the Spirit, such as “patience, kindness, and
gentleness,” and who “bear one another’s burdens” (Gal. 5 &
6). I know what it means to take on “the yoke of Christ” when I
am “weary and heavy burdened” (Matt. 11:28-30). All of this has
been my salvation: a merciful God present in the midst of despair and
depression and also among loving, caring people!
I learned two more positive lessons. One is that physical, mental or
emotional pain may indeed be inevitable, a fact of life; but misery is
optional! The other lesson is that once I found the bottom of my well,
I knew I couldn’t fall out of it! I could only go up and out. I could
choose to grab hold of the rope, knowing others were at the top waiting
and ready to pull me up. That is God’s amazing grace at work!
III
Not too long ago I came across a wonderful book by a United Methodist
minister, Susan Gregg-Schroeder, titled In the Shadow of God’s
Wings (Nashville: Upper Room Books, 1997). Susan was on the
clergy staff of First United Methodist Church in San Diego. She
struggled with clinical depression, includ-ing periods of
hospitalization. She shares what precipitated her crisis and witnesses
to how God’s grace was with her as she walked through the valley of the
shadows, though at first it felt like a “descent into hell.” The
event that overwhelmed her with sadness and despair sent her into a
tailspin, diminishing her self-confidence as a wife, mother, and pastor.
What made matters worse was feeling the pressure to be strong for others
in her role as a pastor and also being ashamed to share her situation
with parishioners out of fear that they would judge her as being weak.
There are people who do expect their ministers, priests, and rabbis to
“have it all together” without faults or human frailties.
Susan reveals in her book that the turning-point was naming the pain and
identifying the demons: betrayal, abandonment, rejection, worthlessness,
and fear of trusting anyone - even God. She understood why Jesus cried
from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?!”
(Mark 15:34). Susan valiantly fought against denial of painful memories
of her childhood, and worked through grief and anger. The combination of
a skillful doctor, a Christian counselor, and support of the
congregation and church staff enabled her to get in touch with the grace
of God. Her book is filled with insight, inspiration, and hope for
anyone who is dealing with depression or trying to better understand a
loved one who is de-pressed.
Depression among religious leaders is not new. When the prophet Elijah
sought to restore the worship of Yahweh among the Israelites and turn
away from the Canaanite pagan idol, Baal, Jezebel was furious and
threatened Elijah’s life. He fled to the desert, experiencing some of
the symptoms of depres-sion - sleeplessness, physical exhaustion,
isolation, and irrational negative thinking about his own death.
The biblical story reveals the helpful ways God led Elijah out of his
depression: an angel ministered to him with food, drink, and sleep. God
didn’t criticize Elijah and tell him his depression was a sin or a sign
of weakness. God didn’t tell him to “snap out of it” and get back to
work. The story tells us how angels, a caring community of faith, can
minister to suffering persons with compassion and understanding. When
Susan had the courage to share her journey with her congregation, to her
pleasant surprise she experienced their support. Nonjudgmental
listening, listening, listening, and cards and notes simply saying that
she was being held in prayer were good medicine.
IV
What I hope you will take away from this message is that God’s grace
happens in the dark places of life; that there is power at the bottom of
the well!
There are “treasures of the darkness” (Leslie Weatherhead’s
phrase). One treasure is learning to let go of the need to control
the situation and submit to God, who is that power at the bottom of the
well. The Apostle Paul learned that when he demanded three times that
God relieve him of a chronic affliction. The response Paul got was, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in
weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). Paul concluded, “...whenever I am weak,
then I am strong” (2 Cor. 12:10).
Another treasure is vulnerability. When we are honest with God
about our raw feelings of sorrow or confusion or anger, we experience
God being with us through life’s crises and tragedies. God does not
promise quick fixes, or exempt us from those painful experiences. But
God does promise to be with us always, even when we do not sense the
Spirit Presence.
A treasure is discovering your authentic self. There is within
all of us a “shadow side,” an aspect of who we are that we may not like
and would prefer to keep hidden. If we’re going to love ourselves as
Jesus calls us to do, we must know ourselves - all aspects of ourselves.
To acknowledge that shadow side, integrate it, and deal with it is to
add a missing piece to the mosaic of our authentic selves. That truth
will set us free!
A treasure of the darkness is hope. In her book, Susan wrote:
“Hope is knowing that we can come home and that God will welcome us...”
I close with one of the poignant prayers in her book:
“O God, the journey has been so long.
I’ve taken every side road along the way.
I’ve explored all the hidden places.
As your prodigal daughter,
I’ve felt that I could find the way myself.
Even so, You, as loving parent, were beside me
picking me up when I fell,
sustaining me when my strength was gone,
nurturing me when I was helpless.
And when I was exhausted,
floundering,
ready to give up,
You touched me with Your grace,
And I felt Your abundant love.
We walked back home together...hand in hand.”
AMEN!
