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August 27, 2006
Ruth Stacy and Gene Golish
CHRISTIAN CAREGIVING: HOW CAN WE
LOVE ONE ANOTHER?
Good morning. I am Ruth Stacy and this is my friend Gene Golish. Gene and I
often cross paths doing programs in the community which have been designed to
help people. Some of these programs are officially Christian and some or not.
Gene and I participate in them because of our world view, which comes directly
from our Christian faith. Today we will offer you some of our thoughts about
Christian caregiving, which come from a formal understanding.
Gene, do you see anything as special or different
about Christian caregiving as opposed to any other program to do good in the
community?
Yes, there is a difference. Christian caregiving has its roots in John 13:34-35
Jesus summarized discipleship: “A new commandment I give you: love one another;
even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. If you have love for
one another, then all will know you are my disciple.”
The word agape is used here. This is the love from God to his people. Grace is
implied in this love. It is love without any kind judgment or conditions place
on the object of the love.
Another type of love is philios which is brotherly love – Philadelphia – the
city of brotherly love. Philanthropic comes from philios… a person can be
philanthropic without being a Christian.
Christian Caregiving is done out of love, love that comes from our relationship
with God, and as a response to God’s love.
Ruth, how would you define
love in this context?
I guess everyone has some sort of idea about what love is and what it is not.
In fact, it is said to be impossible to love without having first been loved by
another person, like our parents. Thus, we love because we were first loved,
and we have been blessed in order to be a blessing to others.
Scott Peck, the psychiatrist who wrote a number of books on the subject, defined
love as “The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or
another person’s spiritual growth.” [The Road Less Traveled, p. ]
Morton Kelsey, a parish priest, psychologist and retreat leader for many years,
defined it similarly: “to enable others to grow, to take responsibility for
their own lives to form their own value system, and to come to their own full
potential by their own choice.” [Caring, p. 85]
What is particularly interesting is that neither of these theologians defines
love in terms of feelings. That is because they see love as an act of will, not
as a response to our warm and fuzzy feelings. Many times we are called to act
out of love toward persons who are not particularly loveable. For example, we
are called to love our enemies; we could not do that based on feelings very
often.
Kelsey makes it clear that trying to help someone without listening to them and
understanding their particular needs is not love. In fact he states “Evangelism
which is not characterized by love and attentive listing is just not Christian.”
[Ibid. 67] He adds “To give without first finding out about other people is not
love but rather a kind of selfishness. Real love goes out to others as they
are, not as we think they are or as we want them to be. This requires that we
listen.” [Ibid., p. 68] He adds that perhaps as much as 50% of all
psychotherapy is only warm receptive listening. [Id., 70]
The need to listen is surely the right one when we are thinking about our
families, our friends, those we may do a visitation ministry with, but what
about others we know to have survival needs?
Gene, Jesus spoke of giving
to the person who needed food or water, or of the prisoner’s needs. How do you
think about those needs in relation to spiritual needs?
I believe that Jesus’ message and ministry was “holistic.” He healed people and
he forgave their sins.
The moment anyone tries to use the authority of Jesus to say, "Religion is the
word of God, and that transcends physical or natural needs," Jesus answers with
the feeding of the 5,000.
The moment anyone labels the love of God old-fashioned and irrelevant, claiming
that the only meaningful religion is social ministry and feeding the hungry,
Jesus answers with his response to Satin in the wilderness, "Man shall not live
by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God."
I am sure that many of you have heard of the hierarchy of needs by Abraham
Maslow. At the base or bottom of the pyramid are physiological needs, like
food, water, warmth, shelter. On the next level are safety needs; the next level
are belong and love needs, then esteem needs. At the top of the pyramid are
self-actualization needs. Looking at the nature of needs through a model like
this, we can see that religion or spiritual needs would be one of the highest
needs, which shows that the basic needs need to be met first before a person can
turn to his spiritual growth and understanding.
Gene, can you illustrative
meeting people where their need is from your experience?
I guess the first that I learned to meet people where their need is was thirty
three years ago. Part of my seminary internship was working with Teen Center in
San Leandro, California. That was a runaway and drug drop-in center. We would
help them where had problems. We would do family counseling, group counseling,
involve Social Service if necessary. We also had worship services on a regular
basis.
15 years ago I did child protection family reunification. I would listen to the
family to understand their view of why their children were in the care of the
County. I would then assist them in setting up their own case plan for the
return of their children. This was a very successful program because the
parents felt that they were being heard and that their needs were being met.
A year and a half ago, I began working for Big Brothers Big Sisters. BBBS just
started a new program of mentoring children of prisoners. I learned that
children who have a parent in prison have a 70% chance of following their parent
into prison and a 90% chance if both parents are in prison.
But, with BBBS as mentors, these children are 52% less apt to skip school and
47% less apt to start drugs. They get along better with peers and caregivers.
BBBS are mentor who are just friends – people who spend time with these children
listening and talking.
Ruth, you and I have both
gone into the prisons to take in the Christian message, what do you experience
there?
The one thing that strikes me is when Nevada Kairos goes into a prison, of
course the inmates are happy to have something new and different. They may come
out of curiosity, for we are curious people indeed. As one inmate put it: “You
people are just plain crazy.” He saw us as crazy to care about him and others
like him, because he had known no one to care for the 27 years he had been in
prison. All we do is take in the Christian message that God loves everyone and
forgives them. We are just messengers, it is up to God to cure souls—ours as
well as theirs. We always come out with our hearts full of joy, because we yet
again got to see God doing His grace thing.
However, the conversion experience cannot be all there is to helping former
inmates when they come out into society. Some of us have started a non-profit
organization to help former prisoners re-enter society safely and successfully.
We all win when someone who was a criminal gets his or her life going well and
is able to take care of himself or herself, take care of the family and avoid
re-offending.
Gene and I have used the wash basin and towel to symbolize a related feature of
love—humble service within the Christian community like the humble service Jesus
illustrated for the disciples when he washed their feet. The Christian
caregiver serves without the interference of pride.
Gene, do you think all
caring is Christian, if it is done with love?
Let me put it this way, I believe that the Best caregiving is Christian because
it focuses on the other persons needs, is a response to God’s love, is the love
that God gives.
Ruth, aren’t you planning to
do something with Christian caregiving here at First Church?
Yes, the visitation ministries group plans to offer a course in
Christian caregiving, with Jay Stuart, Mary Sylvester, John Auer and I team
teaching. Some other members of the church who are professionals in caring
fields, have volunteered to enrich the course.
This promises to be a very interesting class, and I invite you to look over the
basic materials during the coffee time. It is planned to last about 10 weeks
and start sometime in October. If there is sufficient interest, we may offer
more than one course. The attitudes and skills covered should help everyone in
his or her family, as well as in the Church family and the community, as we seek
to relate as Christians.
Gene and I shall be in the Fellowship Hall if any of you would like to join us
for discussion afterward.
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